by Brian Walsh

Earlier this summer I preached at a wedding for a couple of my friends. It wasn’t an easy wedding, mostly because it wasn’t a first wedding for either of them, and it would now result in a blended family with all the difficulties involved. So I went to Psalm 145 and reflected on why marriage after so much pain and disappointment. I share it here with Empire Remixed readers.

My dear friends, tonight is not a night for sentimentality.
The time for Hallmark sweetness,
…for romantic talk about love,
…for naïve visions of living happily ever after in marital bliss
…is long past.

We’ve been there, we’ve done that.
Tonight is a night of hope, and even of joy,
…but it is no time for sentimentality.

You see, you know,
…your children know,
…your families know,
…we all know,
that the path to this wedding tonight
…has been a path of pain, disappointment,
…brokenness and heartache.
This has not been a story of living happily ever after.
…There may well be tears of deep joy tonight,
……but they will still bear the memory of tears of sorrow.
And it may be, my friends,
…that joy and sorrow,
…hope and grief
…will still mingle in our tears tonight,
…and maybe for the rest of our lives.

So perhaps the question that we need to struggle with this evening is,
…why bother?
…Why are you doing this?
…Why marriage … again … when all the evidence
…seems to suggest that this isn’t such a good idea?
…Why vow-making when you know the deep pain of vow-breaking?
…Why make promises that you know are so terribly hard to keep?
…Why set yourselves up for that kind of disappointment all over again”
…Why put so much on the line,
……why commit so much
……when you know the consequences of failure?

I told you that I wasn’t going to be sentimental.

But in a few minutes, you are going to make vows to each other.
You will make those vows before all of us and before God.
And I think you should reflect on what it means to make such vows in the midst of your own failures, your own brokenness, indeed, your own sin.

Why marriage?
…That’s my question.
…I think that might be the question that a lot of us are struggling with.
…And if I may be so bold,
…perhaps that is a question that your children
…need to struggle with tonight as well.

Why bet on the joys of marriage when you know the pains?
Why commit yourselves to faithfulness
…when you know the betrayal of infidelity?
Why make vows of covenantal love
…when you know how hard it is to keep such vows?

Why indeed.

And the answer, it seems to me, has something to do with
…who God is,
…who we are,
…and the very nature of creation.

In Psalm 145 we meet a God who is slow to anger
…and abounding in steadfast love,
…a God of faithfulness,
……of righteousness,
……abundant goodness
……and wondrous works.
This is a God who stands in marked contrast
…to our quickness to anger,
…our loves that are so fleeting,
…our infidelities,
…our brokenness,
…our sinfulness
…and our hurtful deeds.

And yet … and yet …
…we are created in the image of this God.
…We are called to be in the likeness of this God.
…And we know, somehow deep within our souls,
……that to be fully human,
……to be all who we were created to be,
……and to be healed of all that we have become,
…we are called to a life of steadfast love,
……faithfulness,
……righteousness,
……abundant goodness,
……engaging in wondrous works of covenant-making
………and covenant-keeping.

Against the odds.
And against the evidence.
Or at least, against the evidence of our lives,
…against the evidence of the failures of our marriages,
…against the evidence of the dissolution of marriage in our culture.

But maybe there is another set of evidence.
…Maybe there is another voice,
…another witness,
…another testimony to faithfulness,
…that we haven’t noticed,
…that we haven’t heard.

Listen closely to this psalmist.
Listen closely to the other voices.

The Lord is good to all,
…and his compassion is over all that he has made.
All your works shall give thanks to you, O Lord,
…and all your faithful shall bless you.

The Lord is faithful in all his words,
…and gracious in all his deeds.

The eyes of all look to you,
…and you give them their food in due season.
You open your hand,
…satisfying the desire of every living thing.

My mouth will speak the praise of the Lord,
…and all flesh will bless his holy name forever and ever.

Do you hear what the psalmist is saying?
…The Lord is good to all,
…his compassion is over all that he has made.
…All your works shall praise you.
…The eyes of all look to you,
…you satisfy the desire of every living thing.
…And so, all flesh will bless his holy name.

The God who this psalmist praises
…is a God faithful in all his words,
…and gracious in all his deeds.

Do you catch just how radical and audacious that is?
God keeps his word,
…God is faithful to what he says
…And the first thing that God says is, “Let there be.”

And here the psalmist says that all of creation knows that faithfulness.
…All of creation,
…all his deeds,
…all flesh,
…all that he has made,
……the trees on the side of the hill,
……the micro-organisms in the soil,
……the birds that fly over our heads,
……the animals that live here,
……the insects,
……the sun, the moon, the vast expanses of space
…all that he has made,
……every thing, and every inch of creation,
……animate and inanimate,
…all that he has made
……responds to this faithful God with praise and thanksgiving.

All of creation bears witness to fidelity.
…All of creation bears witness to the goodness of covenant-keeping.
…All of creation proclaims that faithfulness,
……steadfast love,
……commitment,
……and keeping vows,
…is the path of life.

Why marriage?
…Ask the trees.
Why risk covenant-making?
…Because covenant goes all the way down.
Why make vows against the evidence?
…Because there is a deeper evidence,
……a more profound voice,
……an abiding testimony.
Why marriage?
…Because creation tells me so.

But there is more.
…I said that I wouldn’t be sentimental.
…Sentimentality is always naïve.
…Sentimentality always engages in a cover up.
…Sentimentality never wants to face the real pain.

This psalmist does not live in a sentimental world of covenant-keeping.
…No, this is a person whose world is full of pain,
……full of disappointment,
……full of broken covenants.
And that is why he confesses not only that the Lord is good to all,
…but that “his compassion is over all that he has made.”

And I confess, my friends, that this simply takes my breath away.
…His compassion is over all that he has made.

Why marriage?
…Because faithfulness goes all the way down.

But what if there is brokenness?
…What if our lives are littered with broken covenants?
Why then marriage?
…Because compassion also goes all the way down.

Compassion and faithfulness.
…You can never have one without the other.
Compassion,
…the sharing of pain,
…the embracing of pain,
…the refusal to cover up the disappointment.
His compassion is over all that he has made.
…All of creation knows the depths of our brokenness.
…All of creation watches as we’re all caught taking a dive.
…All of creation cries out, groans in travail,
……shakes its head at us and says, “such a waste.”
But all of creation knows,
…in ways that we can never quite get,
…that we are all one in the gift of grace.
All of creation knows that compassion goes all the way down.

And because these trees, these birds, the micro-organisms of the earth – all of creation
…know that compassion goes all the way down,
so also does all of creation also know that the Lord
…“upholds those who are falling,”
…“raises up all those who are bowed down,”
…“is near to those who call on him,”
…“fulfills the desire of those who fear him,”
…and “hears their cry, and saves them.”

And that is something, beloved friends, that I think you know.
…You know that God upholds those who are falling.
…You have known deep in your own lives
…what it means to be bowed down,
…and to have God raise you up,
…to know that God has heard your cry.

And so, my dear friends,
…tonight we celebrate resurrection together.
…Tonight we bear witness to deepest desires being fulfilled,
……cries being heard,
……life springing forth from death,
……grief giving birth to hope.

And in the midst of that experience of hope,
…in the reality of that resurrection,
…we have the audacity to believe
…that joy will find a way,
…that the darkness can bleed daylight.

So why marriage, dear friends?
…Because the creation is founded in faithful love.
…And because compassion goes all the way down.

And so, I say to you as you make vows tonight,
…and I say to your children who bear witness to these vows,
…and I say to your extended families who now embrace this new family:
May your life together
…be rooted and grounded in such love.
May your life together
…be filled with compassion.
And may your life together
…embody that loving compassion
…that we meet in Jesus Christ,
……the word made flesh,
……the faithful one.

………Amen.

Brian Walsh

Brian is an activist theologian, a retired CRC campus minister, the founder of the Wine Before Breakfast community, and farms with Sylvia Keesmaat at Russet House Farm.He engages issues of theology and culture, and has written a couple of books you might want to check out. His most recent offering is cowritten with Sylvia Keesmaat and entitled Romans Disarmed: Resisting Empire, Demanding Justice.